Time to Clear up Some Things

This blog come from the idea that it is hard for introverts to get out there and socialize with the extrovert friendly world that we live in today. This does not mean that introverts are anti social or lack the social skills to effectively mingle and have a good time, it means that introverts just function differently in a social environment.

Part of the reason that I am writing this blog is to give an inside perspective from not only an introvert's point of view, but from an introverted man's point of view.  As an introvert I live with these interesting challenges and these are only increased by the fact that I am a man. Generally speaking it is more acceptable for a woman to be introverted and many times we just identify introverted women as shy or meek, but a man who is an introvert can be identified as being anti-social, a recluse/hermit, lazy, and many other things. These things are what make it important to look at the introverted life of a man.

I will be discussing some of the personal challenges that I have experienced along with challenges that I have seen other people experience in this blog, but for this first post I felt that it would be important to dispel some common misconceptions about introverts.

Before I get started I recommend that everyone who is wondering what it is like to be an introvert or if they are one themselves to look at the following articles that explain a lot about the mind set of introverts:

http://themetapicture.com/how-to-interact-with-the-introverted/

http://www.buzzfeed.com/sararubin/change-the-way-you-look-at-introverts

http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/the-case-for-introverts

Now  to get started . . .

1.)   The first myth is probably the most common--that introverts are shy!

This probably comes from the fact that most peoples' contact with introverts comes through big events where a lot of people are present . . . you all know the ones that I am talking about: the church social, company Christmas party, the club/dance scene/bar scene. All of these are where you are trying to meet someone new. The thing that makes it harder for the introvert is that there are so many different people and so many faces to read. That's right faces to read, I often catch myself reading peoples' faces a lot.

This is not because I am judgmental but because I want my investment in effort to pay off (for more on this one look at the first article). If you put me in a smaller group I have an easier time socializing, I have a chance to read a person's expression if there is less background noise and can actually say something relevant that they might like and role with it. The way I like to think of it is that a shy person has a hard time talking to anyone they don't know and an introvert has a hard time talking to everyone at once.

2.)   Introverts don't feel comfortable speaking in front of large groups!

This is one of those myths that bug me a lot, mainly because it is the one I overhear the most. One time walking between classes I heard one person say that he always found it funny when he saw a super introverted person take up acting or public speaking. This made me want to walk right up to him and say that it wasn't that uncommon of a thing and not to judge peoples comfort in front of an audience but their social comfort, but since I'm and introvert and didn't know the guy that wasn't going to happen.

The truth is that a person's social comfort has nothing to do with their performance comfort. This is especially true for me, although I don't do well in social situations with large groups I can be in front of an audience without a trouble (that is as long as I don't have to sing a solo, I still can't explain why that gets to me). It is a good thing that I am comfortable in front of an audience because of my chosen career, I am studying to be a History Teacher, along with that I do improv comedy, and one of my jobs right now is presenting live animal shows to various audiences on a
regular basis.

Me with the camo hat at improv practice

One important thing to realize here is that not all introverts are good in front of an audience; a persons comfort in front of an audience has very little to do with how introverted/extroverted they are I have seen both extroverts and introverts freeze in front of and audience and showcase their best in front an audience.

3.)   Introverts are anti-social!  

This one is probably to most understandable myth, a lot of times it looks like the party is just getting started and building momentum when the introverts start to leave. The first thing that people have to realize about the situation is that if the person showed up to the party they are probably not anti-social, the next thing is to understand how an introvert's energy supply works. If I were to make an analogy about an introvert's social energy supply I would have to use rechargeable batteries, but older ones that just don't seem to have the gusto that they used to. For introverts it takes a lot of energy to socialize and the more people involved means the more energy it takes. So as the party gets bigger the energy level starts to fall at a higher rate until it runs out completely and the introvert has to go home to recharge.

The recharging period for an introvert is the thing that really gets to people because introverts have a tendency to turn down party invites every once in a while. This is not because they don't like you, they are merely recharging and sometimes this recharging period can take a while, like a day or two. That is all that is happening a recharging period, they are not sticking needles into a voodoo doll to torture you while hiding in their little hermit shack.

4.)   Introverts all love to read!

This one gets me because quite simply I don't like to read, so trying to get me started on a conversation about they latest book or how it compared to the movie won't get you very far. That being said introverts do like to have their alone time; alone time is the way the introverts recharge. Now alone time comes in many forms, but it usually involves staying home to watch a show on the internet or play video games. So again I won't know much about the latest movies unless I happen to go with a small group or build up the courage to ask a girl on a date to go to said movie. Home is where comfortable beds, sofas, temperature, and everything else that an introvert needs to recharge is.

The alone time is also not limited to none energetic activities, sometimes my alone time is excising, nor does it have to be intellectually driven (my collection of nostalgic TV shows is proof of this on a personal level) it mainly just has to be something that he/she enjoys doing.

5.) Introverts are happy to be a party of one!

The devil of preconceptions right here, nobody wants to be a party of one. That's right I dare use an absolute here because I feel it is true. So, this may leave you with your head scratching as to whats going on then, why don't introverts ask more people out on dates or at least introduce themselves to more people? The simple answer is because we get nervous. On a personal level I tend to over-think things, and judging by what I have read from other people I am not alone. Don't get me wrong, I am not planning my entire future with that girl I like sitting on the other side of chapel at church, but I am trying to think of stuff to say to her so that I can make a good first impression. Since introverts feel that energy is an important resource that can't be given away like campaign pins for the next election I don't want anything to go wrong in what I say or do. Unfortunately this can take a little longer than would be ideal, because after a half dozen awkward glances at the cute girl and one misinterpreted one with the girl that reminds you of Buzz's girlfriend from home alone, the situation gets a little weird. The worst is by the time you actually get the courage to put your excessively though out plan into action the girl gets a serious boyfriend with that dang extrovert who was sitting a few rows behind you.

Buzz's Girlfriend . . . WOOF!

Now you may say, "Wait a second, didn't you say that introverts work best in small groups," and you would be right I did say that. However, a one on one interaction is not a small group, it is a personal interaction. The small group just happens to be the butter zone for introverts because they can become a small group of close friends that can help you feel more comfortable in the extrovert world, but a one on one relationship is much harder especially when it has the chance to escalate into something more serious since that will take a lot more energy to maintain.

Well I hope that this long post cleared up some of the myths that come about for introverts. Keep posted as I will share my experiences as an introvert in an extroverts' world.